I’ve noticed a trend in some local communities of the LS. It seems we occasionally lose sight of what we may have joined the LS for. For many, this was once an exciting, fun filled adventure with its own kind of magic and spark.
I have a theory that is, admittedly, kind of flimsy, but I think it may have some merit. I think as we dipped our toes in to the hot tubs of hot sex, we learned that not all hot tubs are the same temperature. Meaning, we weren’t always satisfied with the interaction with other play partners.
Rules for Fun are Rules
From that discovery, we started to develop additional rules we thought would help us ensure quality play time. Rules like:
- We only play with friends.
- We don’t play on the first date.
- We have to have chemistry.
Now, don’t get me wrong. In many instances of the lifestyle it is very easy for people to get caught up in the moment and forsake the priority of their relationship. Rules, boundaries, check-ins… They all play an important role in making sure your lifestyle experience is sustainable. But sometimes the effort of putting these rules in place feels like pulling the emergency brake on a Formula 1 car.
From these rules, we start to pigeonhole and cock block ourselves into a cycle of wanting fun but occasionally falling into the lifestyle’s version of the friend zone. We want sex with friends to be organic, but first moves don’t happen very often. We want chemistry, but we’re not getting that new wild and lustful energy like we had when we first met these friends. (See Also: NRE) If we meet new friends we may miss out on that new, lustful energy/chemistry by insisting on no play on the first date.
This doesn’t really explain why the whole community is impacted. One couple setting boundaries shouldn’t bring the whole fun train to a screeching halt. There are parties that feel more like a high school dance than a swingers party. Everyone stands around chatting and drinking, almost uncomfortably waiting for something fun to happen.
Personally, I think communities that need to set boundaries to protect its members also put a damper on dirty time.
There are some parties that feel like orgies before anyone even has their clothes off. The energy and electric feel is what many of us joined the LS for. I hope we can find our way back to that kind of fun atmosphere. It may not be what everyone’s looking for, but I think the trend of losing that carefree attitude is growing.